4 In motherhood

The Best Sometimes 

There comes a time at the end of a long day when the light is dim, the music is peaceful and quiet, and we gently rock back and forth in the cozy recliner. His head is nestled on my shoulder. He wraps his arm around my neck and plays with my hair or pats my back. I inhale the sweet scent of lavender from his shampoo and exhale the stress from the day.

Sometimes, he sits up suddenly, looks me in the eye and very seriously babbles important thoughts to me. I talk back and we share quite the conversation. Other times, he throws his head back and giggles at goodness knows what with his eyes looking toward Heaven. 

It is simply the very, very best time of the day. And yet, these times are increasingly rare. He’s getting too active, too busy.

I suppose I should celebrate that when I was trying to rock him tonight, he squirmed and pointed to his crib. I put him in the crib and he rolled over with his cuddles and went to sleep. He wanted his crib and not me. 😩 

But, isn’t that what I hoped for all those nights when I had to nurse him to sleep? When I was exhausted from how much he needed me? Isn’t that how this parenting gig goes? You get so frustrated and tired of a certain stage and then, suddenly, one day, they are out of it. And you cry. You miss it. A part of you wants to go back. 

But I can’t go back. I had a baby to raise him. To grow him up. And of course, I knew I wouldn’t get to rock him forever. 

So, I’m trying to celebrate our bedtime progress. He puts himself to sleep! Yay! I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts. Or, pray he’ll always put himself to bed!! 

Except for sometimes. Maybe sometimes, he’ll still crawl up in my lap and rest his head on my shoulder and let me rock him. Those will be the best sometimes ever. 

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    Erika Wilson
    September 10, 2016 at 9:06 am

    Oh my goodness, I hear you mama. I got to spend a wonderful hour in the recliner with my sleeping little (teething) boy on my lap yesterday, and I wanted to freeze time! That never happens anymore! Lovely post, and congrats on your little guy putting himself to sleep, that is an accomplishment for sure!

  • Reply
    Esther
    September 10, 2016 at 9:19 am

    Aww my son is 2 1/2 and loves to go straight to bed now. I used to hold him while I sang his song for bed. I thought the other time when was the last time I did that? I don’t remember. So I made him sit in my lap last night. At first he wanted his bed then he leaned in, hugged and patted me on the back as I sang his song. If that was the last time then it was worth it because my boy is growing so fast I can’t even stand it.

  • Reply
    mrsbsock
    September 10, 2016 at 9:34 am

    I can relate to this. I have felt and thoughts some of these exact things. Love your heart, mama.

  • Reply
    Tilly
    September 11, 2016 at 6:15 am

    My darling boy went to sleep in his big boy bed for the first time last week and I went to bed crying for hours. I am so used to having him in my room that I just missed his smell and the sound of his breathing. Lucky for me he missed me and wanted to come back to mummy’s room the next night. I don’t ever wish for my bed or room to myself because I might get what I wish for and it’s not really what I want. Not just yet, I’m not ready to let go of my last baby. Xx

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